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bruce:
wow! dude, you should write a self-help book or get a TV
show...seriously!
"The 10 Stupid Things Surf Musicians do to Mess Up Their
Lives..."
rock on my bruthafromanothamothuh,
-dp
--- bruce duncan <> wrote:
> WR,
>
> When it comes to domestic relationships, if the female
> part is obsessed with controlling the male part, to the
> point of becoming a "dream killer", I've always held that
> it is the male part's job to rectify the situation, and
> that Outside Interference would be unwelcome at best, and
> at worst, could precipitate real psycho behavior. If a
> man puts up with, excuses and accomodates "bad behavior"
> from a woman, he is ultimately going to end up with ZERO
> interests outside the relationship, and with ZERO friends
> with whom he could share such interests. It sucks, but
> it's HIS decision, NOT the band's.
>
> This particular bass player was married to an older, very
> dominant, "high maintenance" woman, and he seemed to be
> perfectly happy being completely submissive and
> subservient to her. We could have tried to "educate" him
> to the fatal mistake he was making, but we deemed it not
> worth the effort, as our words would have fallen on
> completely deaf ears.
>
> So, we took the low-conflict route, and after he'd stood
> us up the third time on a scheduled rehearsal, we
> recruited and found a better, more reliable bass player.
> Just look at all the Surf Bands that have lost personnel
> due to the demands of their marriages. One would think
> that involvement in a part-time band project could
> happily coexist with marital commitments, but
> unfortunately, many times, the women turn it into a "band
> vs. marriage" kind of equation. My wife also tried to
> "pussy-whip" me early in the days of our band.
>
> My response?
>
> "Honey, I haven't changed one iota since we got together.
> I told you numerous times how important music is in my
> life. When we moved in together, I took you on a tour of
> the house, and showed you where all the exit doors are.
> They're still in the same places they were then. I
> repeat what I told you at that time: "If you ever feel
> that you are not in the right place, being with me, I
> want you to use one of those doors to leave. I'm not
> your jail warden, and I have no wish for you to be here
> against your wishes. If my pursuit of playing music in a
> band is so unpleasant to you, I don't want you to be
> unhappy - Please do us both a kindness and leave, if you
> must. But, if you choose to stay, then understand, I AM
> NOT GIVING UP THIS ACTIVITY, not today, not next week,
> not next year."
>
> In the nearly 7 years the band has existed, I've only had
> to deliver this spiel twice, and she's still here, and
> still tells me she loves me several times a day! I just
> wish other guys had the guts to stand up for what's
> important to them, rather than becoming whores for
> you-know-what!
>
> Bruce D
>
> mono_tones_1 <> wrote:
> --- In , bruce duncan
> <wetreverb@y...>
> wrote:
>
> His wife gave him no end of grief over coming to band
> rehearsals, so
> ultimately we had to replace him,
>
>
> bruce, didn't you mean "so ultimately we had to replace
> her" ?
>
>
> sorry couldn't resist ;-)
>
> WR
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> .
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Actually, I think the title of the book should be: "The Stupid Things That
99.9% of Men Do To Mess Up Their Lives" (!!)
and, I've seen this happen to many bands in my years of playing music!
PF
DP <> wrote:
bruce:
wow! dude, you should write a self-help book or get a TV
show...seriously!
"The 10 Stupid Things Surf Musicians do to Mess Up Their
Lives..."
rock on my bruthafromanothamothuh,
-dp
--- bruce duncan <> wrote:
> WR,
>
> When it comes to domestic relationships, if the female
> part is obsessed with controlling the male part, to the
> point of becoming a "dream killer", I've always held that
> it is the male part's job to rectify the situation, and
> that Outside Interference would be unwelcome at best, and
> at worst, could precipitate real psycho behavior. If a
> man puts up with, excuses and accomodates "bad behavior"
> from a woman, he is ultimately going to end up with ZERO
> interests outside the relationship, and with ZERO friends
> with whom he could share such interests. It sucks, but
> it's HIS decision, NOT the band's.
>
> This particular bass player was married to an older, very
> dominant, "high maintenance" woman, and he seemed to be
> perfectly happy being completely submissive and
> subservient to her. We could have tried to "educate" him
> to the fatal mistake he was making, but we deemed it not
> worth the effort, as our words would have fallen on
> completely deaf ears.
>
> So, we took the low-conflict route, and after he'd stood
> us up the third time on a scheduled rehearsal, we
> recruited and found a better, more reliable bass player.
> Just look at all the Surf Bands that have lost personnel
> due to the demands of their marriages. One would think
> that involvement in a part-time band project could
> happily coexist with marital commitments, but
> unfortunately, many times, the women turn it into a "band
> vs. marriage" kind of equation. My wife also tried to
> "pussy-whip" me early in the days of our band.
>
> My response?
>
> "Honey, I haven't changed one iota since we got together.
> I told you numerous times how important music is in my
> life. When we moved in together, I took you on a tour of
> the house, and showed you where all the exit doors are.
> They're still in the same places they were then. I
> repeat what I told you at that time: "If you ever feel
> that you are not in the right place, being with me, I
> want you to use one of those doors to leave. I'm not
> your jail warden, and I have no wish for you to be here
> against your wishes. If my pursuit of playing music in a
> band is so unpleasant to you, I don't want you to be
> unhappy - Please do us both a kindness and leave, if you
> must. But, if you choose to stay, then understand, I AM
> NOT GIVING UP THIS ACTIVITY, not today, not next week,
> not next year."
>
> In the nearly 7 years the band has existed, I've only had
> to deliver this spiel twice, and she's still here, and
> still tells me she loves me several times a day! I just
> wish other guys had the guts to stand up for what's
> important to them, rather than becoming whores for
> you-know-what!
>
> Bruce D
>
> mono_tones_1 <> wrote:
> --- In , bruce duncan
> <wetreverb@y...>
> wrote:
>
> His wife gave him no end of grief over coming to band
> rehearsals, so
> ultimately we had to replace him,
>
>
> bruce, didn't you mean "so ultimately we had to replace
> her" ?
>
>
> sorry couldn't resist ;-)
>
> WR
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> .
> Visit for
> archived messages, bookmarks, files, polls, etc.
>
>
>
>
> SPONSORED LINKS
> Guitar music Guitar sheet music Guitar tablature Stringed
> instruments
>
> ---------------------------------
> YAHOO! GROUPS LINKS
>
>
> Visit your group "SurfGuitar101" on the web.
>
> To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
>
>
> Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo!
> Terms of Service.
>
>
> ---------------------------------
>
>
>
> __________________________________________________
> Do You Yahoo!?
> Tired of spam? Yahoo! Mail has the best spam protection
> around
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
> ------------------------ Yahoo! Groups Sponsor
> --------------------~-->
> Get fast access to your favorite Yahoo! Groups. Make
> Yahoo! your home page
>
>
--------------------------------------------------------------------~->
>
>
> .
> Visit for
> archived messages, bookmarks, files, polls, etc.
>
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
__________________________________________________
Do You Yahoo!?
Tired of spam? Yahoo! Mail has the best spam protection around
.
Visit for archived messages,
bookmarks, files, polls, etc.
SPONSORED LINKS
Guitar music Guitar sheet music Guitar tablature Stringed instruments
---------------------------------
YAHOO! GROUPS LINKS
Visit your group "SurfGuitar101" on the web.
To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
---------------------------------
__________________________________________________
Do You Yahoo!?
Tired of spam? Yahoo! Mail has the best spam protection around
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
