I can't. That's why I play surf music. But for those of you thinking about it, here are da rules... all 20 of them. Enjoy!

HOW TO SING THE BLUES
by Lame Mango Washington
(attributed to Memphis Earlene Gray with help from Uncle Plunky,
revisions by Little Blind Patti D. and Dr. Stevie Franklin)

1. Most Blues begin, "Woke up this morning."
   

2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the Blues, 'less you
   stick something nasty in the next line, like "I got a good woman, with
   the meanest face in town."
   

3. The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it.
   Then find something that rhymes ... sort of: "Got a good woman - with
   the meanest face in town. Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher-and she
   weigh 500 pound."
   

4. The Blues are not about choice. You stuck in a ditch, you stuck in a
   ditch; ain't no way out.
   

5. Blues cars: Chevys and Cadillacs and broken-down trucks. Blues don't
   travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility Vehicles. Most Blues
   transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train.
   Jet aircraft an' state-sponsored motor pools ain't even in the running.
   Walkin' plays a major part in the blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to
   die.
   

6. Teenagers can't sing the Blues. They ain't fixin' to die yet. Adults
   sing the Blues. In Blues, "adulthood" means being old enough to get the
   electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.
   

7. Blues can take place in New York City but not in Hawaii or any place
   in Canada. Hard times in St. Paul or Tucson is just depression. Chicago,
   St. Louis, and Kansas City still the best places to have the Blues. You
   cannot have the blues in any place that don't get rain.
   

8. A man with male pattern baldness ain't the blues. A woman with male
   pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg cuz you skiing is not the blues.
   Breaking your leg cuz an alligator be chomping on it is.
   

9. You can't have no Blues in an office or a shopping mall. The lighting
   is wrong. Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster.
   

10. Good places for the Blues:
    a. highway
    b. jailhouse
    c. empty bed
    d. bottom of a whiskey glass
    

Bad places:
a. Ashrams
b. gallery openings
c. Ivy League institutions
d. golf courses

1. No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit,'less you
   happen to be an old ethnic person, and you slept in it.
   

2. Do you have the right to sing the Blues?
   Yes, if:
   a. you're older than dirt
   b. you're blind
   c. you shot a man in Memphis
   d. you can't be satisfied
   

No, if:
a. you have all your teeth
b. you were once blind but now can see
c. the man in Memphis lived.
d. you have a retirement plan or trust fund.

1. Blues is not a matter of color. It's a matter of bad luck. Tiger
   Woods cannot sing the blues. Gary Coleman could. Ugly white people also
   got a leg up on the blues.
   

2. If you ask for water and Baby give you gasoline, it's the Blues.
   Other acceptable Blues beverages are:
   a. wine
   b. whiskey or bourbon
   c. muddy water
   d. black coffee
   

The following are NOT Blues beverages:
a. mixed drinks
b. kosher wine
c. Snapple
d. sparkling water

1. If it occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a Blues
   death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to
   die. So is the electric chair, substance abuse, and dying lonely on a broken
   down cot. You can't have a Blues death if you die during a tennis match
   or getting liposuction.
   

2. Some Blues names for women:
   a. Sadie
   b. Big Mama
   c. Bessie
   d. Fat River Dumpling
   

3. Some Blues names for men:
   a. Joe
   b. Willie
   c. Little Willie
   d. Big Willie
   

4. Persons with names like Sierra, Sequoia, Auburn, and Rainbow can't
   sing the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.
   

5. Make your own Blues name (starter kit):
   a. name of physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame, etc.)
   b. first name (see above) plus name of fruit (Lemon, Lime, Kiwi,etc.)
   c. last name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.) For
   example, Blind Lime Jefferson, or Cripple Kiwi Fillmore, etc. (Well, maybe not "Kiwi.")
   

6. I don't care how tragic your life: you own a computer, you cannot
   sing the blues. You best destroy it. Fire, a spilled bottle of Mad Dog,
   or getout a shotgun. Maybe your big woman just done sat on it. I don't
   care.

CUTBACK

i like the "well, maybe not Kiwi"

hahaha

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It would be interesting to try to make a similar list about surf music.

Site dude - S3 Agent #202
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"It starts... when it begins" -- Ralf Kilauea

Niiiiiiiice.

-Springfield Fats

That was excessively violent and completely unnecessary. I loved it.

Ha, that's some funny stuff right there...