NoiseFloor
Joined: Jan 27, 2020
Posts: 18
Ohio
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Posted on Jan 27 2020 06:20 PM
Hi,
I've been playing surf bass and guitar for a few years now and love it. I've just recently set my mind to composing some originals. This is my first attempt, it's a spaghetti western inspired song called And Then There Was One. I'm still new to recording and am having some latency and other timing issues with my setup. But I would love feedback on the composition, style, etc...
Recorded using a new MIJ floral jazzmaster into bandlab. I'm using an EHX MEL9 for the flute-sounding track.
And Then There Was One (bandcamp)
PS - I'm also not a very good player, but really having a lot of fun with this effort.
— MIJ Floral Jazzmaster, Parts Stratocaster, Quilter Tone Block 200, Fender Hot Rod Tweed Cab
BandCamp - Miscellaneous Debris
YouTube Channel
Last edited: Mar 31, 2020 17:21:26
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Redfeather
Joined: Jul 30, 2016
Posts: 883
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Posted on Jan 28 2020 01:12 AM
Hey, this is a good start. It's a cool song and nails the feel I think you were going for. That said, I think it could be made better with some adjustments.
The drum beat, for one. And I know it's tough when you're not a drummer and dealing with a virtual set. But I think the beat is a bit too choppy and bouncy. Especially since your lead on the guitar follows the same bounce. In fact, I would suggest experimenting with the meter of your lead as well. I think it could be good to mix the phrasing up a little. Like maybe let the first note hang a bit and then the subsequent few kind of pick the slack back up. Like: Duuuuuuhhhh... duhduhladuh duh dunh dunh duhnnn... DUHN DUHN. Or something like that where the drama is drawn out somehow.
The train beat is kind of overused in this genre but still, I could hear it used well in your song. For instance, at the 0:40 mark, maybe the beat ramps up from the military-like cadence and breaks into a run before falling off completely for that cool part where it's just the guitar. I like the variety you've worked into the song so using the drums to really highlight that would be a solid move.
EDIT: No, if the beat ramped up I think it would be better after the breakdown, at the 1:40 mark. But maybe not at all. Just something to consider.
And I love the mellotron effect! I downloaded a free mellotron VST just last night and I'm looking forward to experimenting with it.
Nice work and thanks for sharing!
One other thing. You wrote a good, evocative, cowboy main melody. I think, in addition to strengthening the phrasing of it, you should seek to pare it down. Specifically, I would like to hear it resolve on just a single pluck of the E. I think letting that lone E ring out instead of hitting it multiple times is a more powerful statement.
Last edited: Jan 28, 2020 01:22:39
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NoiseFloor
Joined: Jan 27, 2020
Posts: 18
Ohio
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Posted on Jan 28 2020 08:40 AM
Thank you SO much for your suggestions and feedback, Redfeather, these are all great suggestions. I've spent so much time with it that I get in a rut and it's great to get impartial and constructive feedback like yours. I will experiment with your suggestions and post results. Thanks again!
— MIJ Floral Jazzmaster, Parts Stratocaster, Quilter Tone Block 200, Fender Hot Rod Tweed Cab
BandCamp - Miscellaneous Debris
YouTube Channel
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ArtS
Joined: May 09, 2008
Posts: 1338
Isle of Kent, MD
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Posted on Jan 28 2020 10:49 AM
Good job!I like the drum beat it creates a good feel for the song. I may try using it on something of mine.
Agree and would change the beat structure somewhere around 41 seconds to something more simple so the song flows and breaks open. Regarding the E string plucking at the end of phrasing-not sure where this is, only had a few minutes to listen. But overall I'm usually okay with plucking, but maybe alternate with a big single note with whammy or big chord to add some variety. Alot of surf songs just repeat the same exact phrasing and melodic lines each verse, chorus, bridge - for me that becomes predictable and boring so stay away from that on future compositions.
Keep going! Nice effort, and think of putting something together for the next SG101 Compilation - BTW - is that a Casio keyboard drum???
— Surfcat
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montereyjack66
Joined: Jul 23, 2014
Posts: 637
LA -ish
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Posted on Jan 28 2020 01:00 PM
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PolloGuitar
Joined: Feb 26, 2006
Posts: 5094
San Francisco
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Posted on Jan 28 2020 06:55 PM
I have to say that if that is your first composition, you are off to a great start! Keep it up.
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SandBug
Joined: Feb 22, 2016
Posts: 442
California
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Posted on Jan 28 2020 10:12 PM
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el_pablo
Joined: Apr 16, 2012
Posts: 94
Biot
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Posted on Jan 29 2020 07:11 AM
It sounds good. It would be interesting to hear it with the change in drum beat as suggested by the others to see what that could do to it.
— Paul
The Dead Planet Surfers
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NoiseFloor
Joined: Jan 27, 2020
Posts: 18
Ohio
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Posted on Jan 29 2020 08:42 AM
Thanks everyone for the feedback. I have a solo show on Friday and am practicing for that, but will experiment with the suggestions this weekend. I'm really excited!
ArtS wrote:
BTW - is that a Casio keyboard drum???
It's actually the free Hydrogen drum sequencer, using the Lightning 1024 kit. Hydrogen is incredibly easy to use and when you find the right kits, and make some adjustments, it can create some pretty good sounds.
— MIJ Floral Jazzmaster, Parts Stratocaster, Quilter Tone Block 200, Fender Hot Rod Tweed Cab
BandCamp - Miscellaneous Debris
YouTube Channel
Last edited: Jan 29, 2020 08:43:59
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SixStringSurfer
Joined: Sep 23, 2014
Posts: 1400
Memphis, TN
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Posted on Jan 29 2020 05:54 PM
Very unique song, I like it!
— MooreLoud.com - A tribute to Dick Dale. New Singles "Finish Line" and "Paradiso" on Bandcamp and website.
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NoiseFloor
Joined: Jan 27, 2020
Posts: 18
Ohio
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Posted on Jan 29 2020 07:07 PM
Okay, I got sick of practicing for my gig for tonight and decided to spend more time with And Then There Was One.
And Then There Was One (Remix)
Here's basically what I changed:
- Removed some of the drum swing feel
- Simplified the lead for the second verse and made it more sparse, which also allows the mellowtron to come through more
- Simplified and changed the beat behind the chorus part
- Removed the shaker from the first chorus, but left it for the second
Thanks again for these suggestions, I like the variance in it and dynamics much better. Makes it less repetitive. As always, let me know what you think and thanks!
— MIJ Floral Jazzmaster, Parts Stratocaster, Quilter Tone Block 200, Fender Hot Rod Tweed Cab
BandCamp - Miscellaneous Debris
YouTube Channel
Last edited: Mar 29, 2020 21:22:48
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SixStringSurfer
Joined: Sep 23, 2014
Posts: 1400
Memphis, TN
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Posted on Feb 18 2020 10:31 PM
This little jewel was stuck in my head the entire morning the other day. It's a really catchy tune!
— MooreLoud.com - A tribute to Dick Dale. New Singles "Finish Line" and "Paradiso" on Bandcamp and website.
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NoiseFloor
Joined: Jan 27, 2020
Posts: 18
Ohio
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Posted on Feb 20 2020 10:14 AM
SixStringSurfer wrote:
This little jewel was stuck in my head the entire morning the other day. It's a really catchy tune!
Wow, thanks so much! That is really cool of you to say. I have a few other tunes in the works, all completely different flavors.
— MIJ Floral Jazzmaster, Parts Stratocaster, Quilter Tone Block 200, Fender Hot Rod Tweed Cab
BandCamp - Miscellaneous Debris
YouTube Channel
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viking_power
Joined: Mar 25, 2014
Posts: 31
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Posted on Mar 29 2020 08:18 PM
What happened to the song? Link didn’t work.
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NoiseFloor
Joined: Jan 27, 2020
Posts: 18
Ohio
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Posted on Mar 29 2020 09:24 PM
viking_power wrote:
What happened to the song? Link didn’t work.
Hi, I decided to change the name of my act because the bar I mainly play at got in trouble for having an act named "Nudity, Theft and Karate". Long, goofy story. But the new name is "Miscellaneous Debris" and I fixed the links.
I'm going to be uploading more soon. I have about three or four other songs in the works.
Thanks!
— MIJ Floral Jazzmaster, Parts Stratocaster, Quilter Tone Block 200, Fender Hot Rod Tweed Cab
BandCamp - Miscellaneous Debris
YouTube Channel
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viking_power
Joined: Mar 25, 2014
Posts: 31
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Posted on Mar 29 2020 10:31 PM
NoiseFloor wrote:
viking_power wrote:
What happened to the song? Link didn’t work.
Hi, I decided to change the name of my act because the bar I mainly play at got in trouble for having an act named "Nudity, Theft and Karate". Long, goofy story. But the new name is "Miscellaneous Debris" and I fixed the links.
I'm going to be uploading more soon. I have about three or four other songs in the works.
Thanks!
Dude, I dig it! Very cool. Love spaghetti western music and really like what you did. Glad you fixed the link so folks could have a listen!
~Jason
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NoiseFloor
Joined: Jan 27, 2020
Posts: 18
Ohio
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Posted on Mar 31 2020 04:55 PM
Thanks Jason!
I just recorded a demo of a goofy reggae-inspired vocal tune I wrote about an ex superhero. He Used to Own the Sky. I may try an all instrumental version to see how that might come out.
I've got about 3 or 4 more in various stages.
— MIJ Floral Jazzmaster, Parts Stratocaster, Quilter Tone Block 200, Fender Hot Rod Tweed Cab
BandCamp - Miscellaneous Debris
YouTube Channel
Last edited: Mar 31, 2020 17:22:01
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